


No More Bubble

by GoosieBoosie



Category: Panlie - Fandom, We Bare Bears (TV)
Genre: Confession, Denial, M/M, Panda is a disaster, Panda is in love
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-06-28
Updated: 2019-07-23
Packaged: 2020-05-28 09:22:10
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 8,960
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19391185
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/GoosieBoosie/pseuds/GoosieBoosie
Summary: Panda has realized how much has changed since the bubble incident. The question remains what he's going to do about it.





	1. 2 AM Thoughts

Panda didn't know what was wrong with him. Okay. Maybe that was a question he was always asking himself, but this time he was sure he wasn't exaggerating. He found himself changed after the whole Bubble incident. He wasn't sure in what way. Personal growth, sure, but that wasn't the whole scope of it. There was something else.

That something else might have something to do with why he was laying in bed, eyes wide awake in the early morning, thinking about...Panda bit his lip as if it would keep the name in his thoughts quiet. Unfortunately, the brain didn't work like that. The action just made the name louder in his head.

_Charlie._

Why would he be thinking about Charlie right now? Nothing even prompted it. He had merely been going through his phone after waking up prematurely, as per usual. Normally, he'd end up scrolling for a few minutes and fall back asleep. He was tired after all. That didn't seem to matter to his brain, though. It started off as having those weird 2 am thoughts, one of them reminding him of Charlie somehow. Don't ask him. He couldn't explain it, either. He'd wondered if Charlie had been awake, too and what he was doing right this moment. It was really stupid, but ever since what had happened at that lake, he couldn't stop thinking about him. Even when he didn't want to. Panda always went over the reasoning in his head. It wasn't weird to think about your friends, he told himself. He always felt relief whenever he did this, but he probably shouldn't have to have this conversation with himself so frequently.

Panda rolled over and glanced down at his phone laying on his pillow, almost deciding that he would just be awake now.

He whittled his time away scrolling and liking every other post that caught his eye. If he was up, he might as well keep himself occupied doing something that wouldn't wake his brothers. He wouldn't want to have to explain himself. Panda cringed. That made it seem more than ever that something weird was going on with him.

He did his best to distract his brain but when something was at the forefront of your mind, it stuck out like a glowing neon sign. For a moment, he just let it happen. It was going to anyway…

He thought about Charlie and what he might be doing.. Most likely sleeping, like he should be. He had been to his 'house' once or twice, so he was certain the sasquatch did sleep from time to time. Though, there was still an air of mystery about him. Even while being his 'so called' best bud, he felt like there were still things about Charlie that he didn't know. What did he do when he wasn't around him and his bros? Panda always imagined something gross, which, he'll admit was a little mean but also mostly accurate. He was much less civilized than the bears. Or perhaps, he was just that in tune with nature. He had to admire something about that. Panda knew he could barely manage a full 24 hours out in the 'wild' wild, whereas Charlie, well, that had been his home for who knows how long..? Panda didn't spend too much time speculating.

He stared down at his phone and released a sigh, suddenly wishing Charlie had a phone. He laughed at the silly thought. Charlie? With a phone? That was the most ridiculous thing he'd come up with. He imagined the second he got one, he'd accidentally flash the camera and chuck it out the closest window. He laughed a little more because the scene he painted was just so Charlie. He was so cute.

....

........

..........................

..............

What...?

Panda's eyes were wide and frozen and he felt that since he couldn't see it, he definitely wasn't blushing just now. Why would he? He just had a completely normal thought just now... Charlie was cute. Yeah. See? He thought it again. There was nothing unusual about calling Charlie cute. It wasn't like cute cute. Panda found lots of things cute. His eyes went shifty as he attempted to make a mental list of everything he ever found adorable...Adorable?! That was a new adjective! He didn't think Charlie was adorable. No. No. That was something he reserved for...Miki-chan! And...and...those girls on his dating apps.....and cat videos. Well, cat videos was a little safe, so that sort of calmed him down.

That was it. Charlie was cute like a cat....Soft and fluffy. He actually had a face that sort of resembled one when he would smile--- that tiny nose and squinty eyes. His grin could put out the sun. Panda rolled onto his back, covering his face with his paws and kicking his feet, "Nonononononono...!" He shouldn't be having these thoughts, Not about Charlie. How did he make his brain shut up? It alarmed him. These were the sorts of things he thought when he was crushing on someone. Was he that tired? He had to be if he was even considering Charlie falling into that category. He grabbed his pillow from beneath his head and buried his face into it. He could feel the heat in his cheeks and wanted to blame the pillow. He lowered it to reveal insecure eyes.

Panda knew something had changed between them. He knew he looked at him differently than before. To be honest, there had been something there for a while. He never thought about it before but maybe that was why he was always so quick to push him away... Panda was not used to being anyone's first choice, whether that be friends or otherwise... Being someone's number one scared him in ways he couldn't describe. Panda had never been able to live up to anyone's standards. He was not half the bear that Charlie thought he was…

Panda was softly stroking the pillow now, unsure of what this mental conversation was adding up to. He wasn't admitting to anything, other than the fact that their relationship had definitely shifted. After he risked his life to save him, he realized just how long he had been inside a bubble and that was long before he was actually physically inside one.. Perhaps, popping that metaphorically bubble had opened him up to the feelings he'd been repressing...But what even were those feelings...?

Panda rolled up in his purple blankets like a burrito of comfort and security, still holding tightly to his pillow. He begged himself to go to sleep so he could hopefully forget all of this contemplation. It didn't work. So, despite everything he said before and at the risk of waking someone up, he left his room. He tripped before realizing he should probably find his spare glasses first. Contacts could wait til later, just in case he did nod off.

He went to the kitchen, where he had to be extra quiet not to stir his younger brother. Instead of going to the fridge, he searched the cabinets for some snacks. Food did wonders to comfort him, whether he were upset or trying to solve a really huge problem. Right now, it seemed to be a little of both. He settled onto the couch with a few bags of chips and a box of pocky. He put up his feet. Panda decided on watching something. It should be okay as long as he kept the volume low and if it was something he'd seen before, he'd know most of the words anyway. Panda was one of those binge watchers as well as obsessive rewatchers. This made the task less difficult.

He drowned out his inner voice with K-dramas and anime. It seemed to work well enough, though the more romantic scenes made his skip a few more beats than usual. He was sure that was only because he hadn't seen them in a while. No other reason.

Debatable, he knew deep down inside, but he wasn't thinking about that right now.

Panda did wind up falling back asleep, face down onto a chip bag he'd been eating from.

Truth be told, he had been tired, but when your mind decides to bombard you with ridiculous scenarios, its not hard to see why you might have some difficulty…

Unfortunately, when you're having "bizarre" things going through your mind, sometimes they make it into your dreams...However, when he was asleep, those things weren't nearly as strange and awkward as he convinced himself while awake. They were….comforting. And as reality faded away and he slipped into dreamland, he ran into the arms of that comfort and found Charlie on the other end...


	2. Chapter 2

Panda was having a good dream. He was smiling for one, which was a very good indicator. It was just him alone with his thoughts and when he was asleep in a dream like this, he didn't think about judgement. Not even from himself. He succumbed to the fantasy completely. Of course, usually it wasn't scenarios like this. Well, that wasn't fully true. The flower petals were definitely familiar. The forest setting. The dreamy, romantic tone. So serene. There was something new about this one, however. _Charlie_ was there...He didn't mind. Not even as he was laying across Charlie's lap, snuggling into his fur as Charlie ran his fingers over his.

It was a sweet and gentle moment and it had him giggling in his sleep. Panda nuzzled _him_ and relished in the warmth. His hugs were always that way. He wondered why he ever tried resisting them in the first place. Charlie was saying something that Panda was only half listening, too. His voice sounded rather muffled and Panda wasn't sure if that was just because he was stuck in the moment or not.

There was suddenly more clarity.

_"Hey, Pan-Pan....Did you figure it out...?"_

Panda glanced up. He wasn't sure what Charlie was talking about. After all, he hadn't been listening. He felt a little guilty. Charlie was trying to tell him something this entire time and he was blocking him out. He shot him a look of concern but Charlie came back to him with a gentle grin and Panda could feel all his worries melt away. So, he asked his question.

"Figure what out...?"

_"You know..."_ Charlie spoke shyly.

Panda giggled at him as he turned over and got onto his knees. He gave him a soft shove with amusement laced to his words. "I **_don't_** know..." He sent a look that he hoped would make Charlie tell him what he meant. He watched as Charlie looked up at the picturesque sky. He blinked, waiting for a reply.

_"I gotta go soon..."_

Panda started, alarmed. "Go? What do you mean go? You don't have to go anywhere!" He shook his head and his minor panic only ended when Charlie set a long hand on his cheek. His eyes focused on his until they didn't. They slowly closed. Panda didn't know what was going on, but he did know he didn't want Charlie to leave. This had been so nice. It was always nice when it was just the two of them. He's certain he's never said that much. Maybe that was the problem...Was that part of the answer to his question? What he was supposed to be figuring out? 

Charlie laughed like he always did. The same cute scrunchy face Panda had become accustomed to. Despite all his confusion, he had to smile. It was hard not to. Charlie's own grin made him feel confident. 

"You'll be back, though, right..?" Panda asked for assurance.

Charlie tilted his head " _Well, I'd say that's up to you, Pumpkin..._ " He sounded expectant and he was giving him a stare like he knew what to do. Panda didn't, though. He was used to Charlie being confusing but this was a different kind of confusing. He felt like he should know what he was talking about. It was then that Charlie grabbed his paws and Panda didn't know if it was relevant but for this split moment he knew something he had figured out; He wanted to kiss Charlie.

Right. Now.

Closer…

Closer.. 

Closer…

And then----

" **RISE AND SHINE, PAN-PAN**!"

Panda screamed as he fell off the couch, taking the bag of chips with him and making a terrible mess. It took him a few moments to recover and glanced to the side to see his older brother's feet. He groaned and closed his eyes again, deciding he couldn't be bothered to move from this spot. He did reach for his glasses, which had slipped off during the fall. He was thankful that they hadn't broken. He needed to be more careful. 

Panda was suddenly yanked to his feet by his brother. Luckily, he'd already slipped his glasses back on beforehand, so he could see who he was glaring at.

"What the heck, Grizz?" Panda complained with clear displeasure. He rubbed his eyes beneath the glass a few times, then brushed off the chip crumbs that had made a home in his fur. "You don't wake people up like that!" He could hear him snort. Grizz was clearly very amused by this, attempting to cover it up with an apology that couldn't hide it. He would have had even more words with him but Ice Bear had already made breakfast and the smells coming from the kitchen were too enticing for him to be focused on the rude awakening. 

He followed Grizz, albeit slowly, to the table and plopped down in one of the chairs, laying the rest of his upper body on the surface in front of him. Panda was still exhausted.

Ice Bear approached the table, "Panda is awake." He said and after a moment, he spoke again, "Panda did not sleep well.." He set down a plate and the sound made Panda lift his head and pull it closer to him. He may be grumpy but not nearly enough to ignore a delicious meal. 

"Yeah, man. What were you doing on the couch?" Grizz asked, suddenly curious, especially considering he remembered they all retired to their individual rooms the night prior.

Panda was not completely awake yet. He was somewhere between existing and two seconds away from falling into his food back to dreamland. He shook away the fatigue every time that almost happened. He heard Grizz's question. He didn't need to hear it be asked again but it did take him a minute before he registered what the words meant. His head was so blurry and he was having lag. Then, all at once, the answer hit him like a bolt of lightning and he was very awake, his eyes wide circles. He remembered. Oh, God, he remembered. Oh, he didn't want to remember. His face was bright red. Unprompted, Grizz asked again and Panda stuffed the whole of his breakfast in his mouth, puffing up his cheeks to keep from talking.

Everything came flooding back and it might have been okay if it had just been the part about him being stupid and staying up all night because he was just too wired. Him thinking about Charlie just because he was something to think about. That would have been just fine with him. He could have wrote it off then. But there was absolutely no writing it off when he remembered the  _ dream.  _ Most of it was bits and pieces, like every dream tended to be as soon as your brain was more awake. Oh, but Panda could remember the end.

Vividly.

Panda was shaking and probably would have screamed had his mouth not been so full. In his dream he….well, he didn't...but he almost...he wanted to...asdfghjkl…

He nearly kissed Charlie. KISSED.

On. 

The. 

LIPS!!

What was that about?! It didn't even gross him out, like he expected it would. It just made him feel….sweaty. He felt uncomfortably warm and trouble keeping the idea from his mind. Ugh. This all happened because he called him cute. His dumb Panda brain was confused! Stop picturing it. Stop picturing it! He did what he could to get his thoughts in order. If he started acting weird, his bros were going to know something was up. Panda was terrible at hiding things. It always blew up in his face. And this was just something he never wanted to get out.

Grizz had different plans, it seemed. He exchanged glances with Ice Bear and then waited for Panda to swallow his entire breakfast before slamming his paws on the table with a gasp.

"Wait...I know that look.." Grizz's tone had an air of suspicion. He was looking at Panda like he could see every single of his secrets and Panda wanted to fade out of existence. "Oh, I know that look!" Panda was feverishly shaking his head with a pure look of terror. He was getting ready to leave the table and run to his room to hide. With a open mouth grin, Grizz finally concluded "Pan-Pan's got a new crush!"

"WHAT?! No, I don't" Denial was Panda's knee jerk reaction. He was gripping the table, looking appalled enough to force Grizz to believe he'd gotten the wrong idea.

It was not as though the idea hadn't crossed his mind under the deep dark deep deep dark deep recesses of his mind. Therein held the smallest, slightest speck of maybe-i-have-a-crush-on-Charlie. It was really insignificant and he hardly ever thought about it. It was the reason why he'd continued to pursue girls. But it was there and he was starting to notice it more and more. If he wasn't careful, that speck wouldn't be just a speck for much longer.

Panda shook his head one more time. "Why would you even think that?" He watched his brother shrug and rested his cheek on a paw.

“Aw, come on, Pan-Pan. All the usual symptoms. You know, the sweating, blushing…." He paused briefly to swiftly point at him,"Yeah, Yep! It's happening right now!" And it was.. Grizz continued before Panda could protest. "-- the  _ defensiveness _ …” Grizz said this with the air of someone who had become very familiar to this situation. Though, there had been times when Panda did brag about whenever he did fall in “love”.

Each word seemed to be making Panda sweat more. His bros knew him better than anyone and that was making him incredibly nervous. His brain nearly stopped working. All he knew was that he had to end Grizz’s suspicions dead in their tracks. However, he might have wished he rehearsed what he was going to say. Grace was not Panda’s strong suit.

“Yeah. Okay. But this time its just weird, man. That is not what is going on at all. What? Because I couldn’t sleep and fell asleep on the couch? That’s so dumb." He couldn't stand him insinuating that he had a crush on him. Of all people! "I don’t have a crush on Cha---”

The entire room stood still. Panda had caught himself at the last second. Any confidence he’d had immediately left his face.

“Cha---” He repeated nervously.

Panda looked the the left at Grizz. The syllables were out there. He had to do something with them.

"Cha---" He looked to the right at his other brother who was also looking at him with interest. He could only repeat the sound so many times before it began to sound weird. So, he did the first he could think of. He turned it into a laugh, pretending the 'Ch' was always a part of it. It was a rather overly forceful sort of laugh. The sort you do when you have to pretend something was funny but it really wasn't. Faking amusement was...cringey, but he had no other choice. If he even tried telling them about his weird dream and even weirder thoughts, they would just tease him. Or worse, make their own conclusions based on what it sounded like. 

Still, he could sort of use some advice about this weird situation. So much that he was willing to entertain the idea that the whole crush thing was a possibility. He still had so many arguments against that being the case, but there was nothing wrong with hypotheticals, right?

He watched them eat for a few minutes in silence. It seemed a shame to bring it up again after just getting them to accept his lame excuses. But hey, it was either this or continue the war in his head alone. Besides, it wasn’t like he was going to be specific.

“Sooooo…..” He began after a time, tired of feeling awkward. He kicked his legs back and forth a few times, waiting for his thoughts to catch up with him. “About that crush….which, by the way, is ridiculous…” He cleared his throat. “ Cause I’m totally crush free right now….” He exaggerated with a few hand gestures before going on to ask what he wanted. “...But, on the off chance that I did or do, I mean, it’s a crazy world. Anything can happen...Hahehaha…” His laugh did very little to cover his nerves but Grizz nor Ice Bear commented on that. “...but say I did get a new one….You think it’d be, i don’t know, weird...if the next person wasn’t my usual type…?”

"Panda. Do you have a crush…?" Grizz asked knowingly. His voice sounded more like he was stating a fact rather than asking a question.

"Ahh, uh...pfft.." Panda threw a paw, his eyes scrunching up as he attempted to hold on to his transparent facade. "I believe I just said I didn't…"

Grizz saw right through it. “Panda….Come on, we’re your bros.” He raised his arms, “You can tell us..” He looked over at Ice Bear for back up and then they both returned their gazes to Panda.

Panda kept up the smile for a bit before he finally cracked with a shout. “Err….Fine!! But don’t call it a crush! It’s not even that big of a deal, okay? It’s small! Its, like, barely even categorized as a background thoughts! It’s---”

Grizz waved his paws frantically, trying to calm his younger brother from the spiral. “Okay. Okay. Okay! No crush. Okay?” He glanced in either direction, trying to pull ideas from thin air to ease his anxiety. “It’s more of a….crushlette..!”

“What’s a crushlette?” Ice Bear asked suddenly.

Grizz turned to him with a shrug. “A crushlette...Y’know. It’s like a regular big crush…” He widened his arms before moving his paw very close together, “but tiny…”

“Really tiny! Microscopic!” Panda injected immediately.

“Yeah, what he said..” Grizz gave Ice Bear a face that told him that they just needed to roll with it for Panda’s sake. He turned back to Panda, putting on his most supportive face “So, go on. What’s so weird about this crush….lette..?” He saved himself at the last second and waited patiently.

Panda just stared back at them with a frozen stare. He obviously hadn’t been ready to be asked all these questions. 

Grizz waited patiently for a few moments, until it got a bit ridiculous. Ice Bear had enough time to clean off the table and wash their dishes and Panda just kept sitting there in that same position.

“Uh, Pan-Pan?” Grizz called.

Panda nearly jumped and began twiddling his paws. “Oh, um…” He swallowed and his face was red again.

“You wanted to talk about it, right..?” 

“I mean, yeah… sort of…” He scratched at his cheek. Panda knew this was what he asked for. He did want advice. It was just difficult to word it in a way not to give away who it was about. But if he kept overthinking himself about it, he’d never ask anything. Time to rip off the bandaid. “So….like I was saying….is it weird to...consider someone whose not even your usual type…? Like, subconsciously…?”

“Subconsciously…?” asked Grizz.

Panda glanced downward, shyly. “You know, like, in a dream or something…”

Grizz looked thoughtful, “One time I had a dream I was on a romantic candlelit dinner with a sandwich…”

“With who..?” Panda raised brows. 

Grizz realized he hadn’t been clear and raised his paws, “Oh, with a sandwich...Like, a really big sandwich...It was in a chair and---

Panda droned him out as he went on this entire tangent on how he basically went on a date with food and that he was certain there was some kind of metaphor or life message about himself in there. It went on and on before Panda decided this was in no way helpful.

“Grizz! Ugh! Take this seriously! I’m having a crisis here!”

Grizz bit his lower lip before shaking his paws in defense. “I am! I am!. Sorry, sorry! Uhh…” He tried to get his mind back on track to try and be a little helpful. “Okay….so….it’s not weird…” He glanced over at Ice Bear for back up. “Right, little bro…?”

Ice Bear shakes his head. “Not weird. Panda has crushes all the time. Ice Bears sees nothing unusual..”

Panda reprimanded him about him calling it a crush again before moving on. He folded his arms. “I already told you, it is unusual. I don’t normally get crushes like this. At the very least, I’m usually in control!”

“...Huh. That’s weird.” Grizz noticed and Panda faced him. “Isn’t the whole thing about of crushes that you’re not in control…?”

Panda was silent.

“Grizz is right. Love can’t be tamed. Love comes from behind with a sneak attack. Love always wins.”

“No, no, no. I’ve been in love before. I know what that feels like! This is something else.” Panda was adamant. Though, his resolve wavered for a moment. “I know it is…”

“Why’s it bother you so much…? Are they a bad person or something…?” Grizz wondered. He hadn’t gotten around to asking who it was yet, which Panda was grateful for.

“What? No. Of course...not…”

Charlie wasn't even in the realm of someone who could ever be considered bad. He was so….nice and encouraging. If anyone was close to being a bad person, it was Panda. He wasn't as good of a friend to him as he should be. He still felt guilty about that even if he was putting forth effort to change that. 

Charlie was sweet and kind and funny. A bit of a dork. Panda smiled inwardly. Anyone would be lucky to have him. 

So, why exactly did he have an issue? Panda shrugged mentally at his own question. It was just weird because it was Charlie! He shouldn't be having feelings for someone that was meant to be his best bud. Not to mention, he wasn't his type. Not even close. But even if that were the case, he still couldn't shake this hold he had on his thoughts. He just didn't understand how or when he let this happen. How long had he been keeping himself from these feelings? Could it really be what his bros were saying..? 

He glanced up at them, realizing they hadn't stopped talking as he had zoned out to think things over.

"All I can say is that if whoever makes you happy, what's it matter if they aren't what you usually go for?" Grizz had a point there. Panda’s type had a habit of never working out. To be honest, if Panda ever took the time to think about it, his crushes had all been a little superficial. He remembered countless times of getting interested in someone the moment they showed interest in him, whether it be them liking him or merely sharing a similar interest. But even with that much, he always wound up making a mess of things. He was too clingy or he said the wrong thing or they found someone so much better than him. 

Things with Charlie were...different. Charlie saw him for who he was. He saw his bad temper, his ugly side. He stuck by him even when he was trying to push him away. No matter what happened, he never left him. He was always there for him, even when Panda convinced himself he didn’t need him. Charlie gave him all the things no other crush ever could…

Maybe it wasn’t so strange, after all… 

Grizz was right.

Charlie did make him happy. Underneath it all, the annoyance, exasperation, Panda liked Charlie.

He liked Charlie….

God. He might even  _ love _ Charlie…

Panda froze, face full of epiphany and realization, his mouth slightly agape.

Grizz was still giving him advice but he couldn’t hear it. His eyes were stars and images of Charlie flashed through his mind. He could finally understand his dream.

_ I figured it out, Charlie. I figured it out! _

“Pan-Pan? Woohoo..?” He waved a paw in front of Panda’s eyes, trying to get his attention. “Did that help…? Uh, hello…?”

“Ice Bear will get first aid…”

Their eyes widened as Panda immediately jumped out of his chair to his feet. He looked a bit manic. Especially as he ran from the room, shouting.

“Okaythanksforalltheadviceihavesomethingtododon’tbothermeokayiloveyouBYE!”

They flinched as they heard the door to Panda’s room slam shut.

“Okay…” Grizz said.

The two sat in the shock and silence for a moment, wondering if they helped their brother. Eventually, Grizz decided he was fine.

“Wanna watch TV?”

“Ice Bear gets to choose..”

Elsewhere in the cave, Panda was processing his newfound revelation. 

He might be in love with Charlie...He  _ liked _ him, for sure!

The question was: What was he going to do about it…?

  
  



	3. Chapter 3

Panda was sat atop his bed with a sketchbook. He'd taken a brief moment to slide in his contacts before holding himself up in his room away from his brothers. They were used to him needing his space, so they hadn't come to bother him despite his strange behavior at breakfast.

Panda was drawing. Panda always drew when he had too many emotions to deal with. It was a better way to channel his energies than freaking out and screaming at the top of his lungs, which he tended to do in certain situations. Art was his happy place. His escape. That made it only fitting that he was currently drawing Charlie.

Panda drew Charlie a lot, whether it be doodles or full fledged paintings. So much that it became second nature to him. It was a little embarrassing, to be honest. He was sure he'd never hear the end of it if Charlie knew how much of a muse he was. He could already hear that laugh, see those big eyes and anticipate one of his special never ending hugs. Charlie was so easily pleased, he thought and it made him grin. He continued to add details and color to his paper. It was looking nice.

He started to think about his incredible realization from earlier. He'd gotten lost in his zone and forgot why he'd hid in his room in the first place. Panda felt a little silly about it.

He paused his pencil strokes, "So, I like Charlie…" He shrugged like the announcement was no big deal. "I mean...I guess I was bound to…" Charlie had been wearing him down since they first met. He had such an infectious personality. It wasn't very surprising he caught some of the love he was throwing.

"It's not like it means I have to tell anyone about it…" He resumed coloring. For the next few minutes, he made it seem like it was just a fact he'd accepted. 

He liked Charlie. 

A lot. 

That was fine. This was fine. Everything was fine.

Panda knew it wasn't, but he wasn't looking to go on another spiral. It crossed his mind; the idea of actually telling  _ Charlie _ about how he felt. Oh, how that terrified him. He wasn't going to do that.Even if he wanted to, it was way too soon. He only just finished wrestling with the fact that these feelings existed. They  _ existed.  _ He knew what usually came after. He didn't want to go in full Panda mode and screw this up. Even if there was a high probability that Charlie shared similar feelings. There was always that chance that Charlie was just...really nice. He knew he was overthinking things. Not being liked back before had stung too many times but if it happened with him, he wasn't sure he could handle it.

"What would I even say?" Panda asked aloud to his empty room. He scoffed at how ridiculous the idea was. It was silly. He didn't have to tell him if he didn't want to.

He threw himself on his back and stared up at the ceiling. This was torture. He didn't know what to do. He thought for a few minutes about his previous question and started to mull something over. Did it really hurt anyone if he pretended he was going to tell him? Hypothetically. Just for a moment. If he did somehow gather the courage to discuss this with Charlie, how would he do it?

Panda glanced over his side at the briefly forgotten sketchbook, his Charlie doodle staring back at him. "Hmm…" he mumbled as a lightbulb came on in his head. He grabbed the pad in a swift motion and carefully tore out the drawing. A lunge to the opposite side of his bed and he grabbed Miki-chan. He got off the bed and ran around his room a few times before he had all the supplies he needed for his little experiment.

Flash forward and Panda was now sitting on the floor across from Miki-Chan with his artist's rendition of Charlie's face taped over hers.

Panda felt a little more stupid now but he did his best not to dwell. He didn't have any other ideas, and he needed something to practice with, even if he'd convinced himself this was strictly hypothetical. As embarrassing as this was, at least no one could see him in here if he made a fool of himself. So, he was just going to be loose and see what he came up with.

He did a few basic arm and neck stretches and cleared his throat. He had to get into the zone. Channel his  _ smooth _ . He took a few breaths and crossed his legs. He sat there for a minute.

Then two.

Then three.

By the forth minute, he realized he was stalling. It hit him that he didn't know the first thing to say. Seriously. How does one even attempt to confess to someone like Charlie? Charlie was so optimistic and full of energy. He joked and laughed all the time. There were times he'd found it so difficult to get him to focus. He knew Charlie would listen if he told him it was important. God….but what if he laughed at him? What if he thought it was a joke? Panda covered his face with both paws, looking as if it had already happened.

He stopped and took a breath "Don't psyche yourself out… This is. Just. Pretend…"

Panda smoothed the fur atop his head back before deciding to start again. He just had to get his head in the game. He did this all the time. He had this routine down. Charlie was a crush. Panda knew how to approach crushes. He was regaining his confidence. He put on his most seductive face and leaned slightly to the side, a hand on his knee. In his head, he thought he looked pretty suave. He was pulling out everything he’d learned through the years and some stuff he’d seen in recent movies. He completely immersed himself in his make-believe confession.

He reached out a paw and placed it on ‘Charlie’s’ shoulder. “Hey, baby...You know I’ve been thinking about you for a while...What do you say we got to the woods and get lost…?” 

His grin stayed and then faded once he realized the words that came out of his mouth.

Panda came back to reality and suddenly folded in on himself. What the heck was he even saying? Where did all of that come from? He barely even liked the woods! God, and the pet name?! Did he actually think he could call Charlie something like that? He internally exploded just thinking about it. His face was bright red. He wanted to die. That was cringey even for him.

He stared straight ahead at the drawing that was making too much eye contact for his comfort level. He was judging him with those dark acrylic eyes. Why did Panda have to make his Charlie art so darn realistic?! It was like he was staring into his soul. It was too real. Too real!! Panda panicked. He smacked the pillow away swiftly to get ‘him’ to stop. 

“DON’T LOOK AT ME!”

The pillow landed face down as Panda squeezed his eyes shut and covered them. He started to hyperventilate but managed to stop himself. He’d been pretty loud just now. He felt privileged that his bros hadn’t come running in. Panda needed a second to calm down. He took a moment and decided he may need his inhaler for this. It gave his heart a chance to calm down while he searched for it.

When he returned, he frowned at the fallen pillow and set it upright. He frowned harder at the wrinkled drawing taped across the top. He did his best to smooth it out before adjusting the positioning. He took a hit from his inhaler before sitting down.

"I just need to start smaller…"Panda told himself. There was no way he was going to have a good confession by being overly flirty. 

Not that he was actually ever going to confess outside this room. Obviously. This was just….what  **_if_ ** …

Yeah.

He cleared his throat and started again with a smile that looked more friendly. "Hey, Charlie…." Panda said. "So...I kinda think I might like you…." his face fell with disappointment. "No...too general…" He groaned and moved a hand down his face until he was smiling again. "Charlie. So hey, I know we have next to nothing in common... but you know what they say. Opposites attract, and you are one strong magnet…." He cringed a moment later and berated himself. "Oh, come on, Panda…. you're really gonna confess by telling him how much you'd suck together…" He was getting aggravated. He was pulling things off the top of his head. He got nervous every time he spoke, so he was spouting nonsense. He wouldn't get anywhere near a positive outcome if he focused on how different they were. He needed to be positive! Yes. That was it. He got up on his knee and widened his arms "Hey, Charlie. I just had the wildest realization. I'm trash! And you, you like being surrounded by trash…..yeeeeeeah, I already don't like where this is going.." Panda hung his head. This wasn't going well. He felt a little hopeless, even if he continued to lie to himself that this was just pretend. He told himself that because he knew he'd never be capable of actually going through with it. He was a mess and he would screw it up. Panda just didn't know what to say to make it sound appealing.

Perfect.

The perfect confession.

He tried a few more times. He even, for some reason, tried the whole "you like jazz?" line as a last resort and he felt completely lame about it. Though, picturing Charlie, he actually might.

It didn't stop him from falling over in defeat. He'd tried out all his best lines. Lines that, in the past, he'd been very proud of. Nothing was good enough for Charlie. Panda had never prepared for someone like him. He was unique, in more ways than one. He didn't deserve one of Panda's recycled lines. Panda was convinced he wouldn't even get most of them. He frown and propped himself up on his elbows. He stared ahead at the pillow Charlie.

"Ugh. Why can't I just  _ talk _ to you?" He groaned and then went on. "I'm not like you. You always say what's on your mind, whether people look at you weird or not…" Panda was jealous. While Charlie cared too little of what others thought, Panda cared too much. He knew there was very little he could do to upset Charlie. He had reference for it, but he didn't want to actively try saying something bold and wind up making a fool out of himself. Truth was, Charlie was very hard to understand. On one hand, it could seem pretty obvious that he liked him, what with all the little kisses and squishy, unprompted hugs. On the other hand, Charlie was awkward with socialization and interaction. He might think that was how best friends are  _ supposed  _ to act. He could just have a severe misunderstanding of boundaries. 

This could all be in Panda's paranoia but he didn't want to get into a false sense of security, only to find out he was wrong.

"Is it even that much of a wonder why I fell for you? I always act like I'm so much better than you...but you're always so sweet and kind...You always put me above anyone else...Ugh, and I don’t even deserve it. You’re just so...pure. You make me want to be a better bear… Oh, Charlie...” He felt a little corny but he was speaking from his heart. 

This wasn’t part of his supposed confession. It was just facts. Things he needed to say for himself. It felt good to get it out. It felt like he was torturing himself by keeping in how he felt for so long. He may not have the courage to say it to anyone else yet, but he was at least admitting it aloud to himself. That felt good!

And because Panda was feeling sappy and euphoric, he scooped his Charlie!pillow into his arms and planted a kiss against the paper as though it were him. 

Would he ever have the guts to pull this off with him personally? Unlikely, but let him have his fantasy, anyway. In his head, he was back in that dream, wrapped up in Charlie’s arms. 

They were together...

They were happy... 

Everything around him had an air of warmth…

….

And then, the door opened.

“Hey, bro. We were just thinkin’ abou---

SCREAM.

Panda panicked and immediately dropped the pillow. He turned it over when he saw Grizz’s trailing gaze.

“I told you guys not to come in here!! Get out! GET OUT!” Panda’s heart was about to explode. Oh god. Did Grizz see the picture?!? It was bad enough he walked in when he was borderline making out with a pillow. If he saw the drawing, Panda was going to have to leave town and never return. 

“I’m sorry! I’m sorry! I’m going! I’m going!” Grizz yelled, panicking just as hard even though he had no idea what was going on. He felt bad for interrupting...whatever Panda was doing. He knew how sensitive he was. Panda was pushing him out the door and he complied.

Panda spent a good couple of minutes leaned up against his bedroom door. He was blushing so brightly beneath his fur. He was sure it was covering his entire face. It hadn’t been the first time his bros had caught him doing something like that, but it was so much more embarrassing this time. He was praying so hard that Grizz hadn’t seen the art. He wanted to die.

Panda spent a little longer being overly dramatic before the guilt began to set in. He felt bad for yelling at Grizz. It wasn’t his fault that he was a basket case over his crush on Charlie. So, Panda stood up and got rid of the evidence of his pretend confession practice, shoving the drawing among a pile of other clutter in his room before grabbing his phone and deciding to emerge from his hovel. 

He wasn’t looking forward to the first initial interaction when he saw them talking amongst themselves in the living room. He had to remind himself not to think the worst, though he could understand if they were talking about him. He’d been acting very peculiar today. After all, it was unusual not to tell his bros about a crush. He normally wouldn’t shut up about them. Panda wished it wasn’t so awkward. Maybe he should just stop thinking about it for a while. It’d be nice to take a breather from all the analyzing.

He cleared his throat and made himself known. Grizz looked remorseful and Panda twiddled his paws. “Hey…”

“Oh, hey, man. You good..?” Grizz asked carefully.

“Yeah….” Panda swallowed, “Um….” There was an apology caught in his throat but Grizz seemed to hear it anyway, going by the way he immediately changed the subject.

“So, we were thinking of going out? You game?”

“Where to…?” 

“Oh, you know, just out. You seem kinda stressed out today. Figured you could use a little fresh air!”

Panda threw a paw, “Stressed? Me? Oh, I’m over that. Old news.” It was a lie, obviously. He could tell by his brother’s glances, that they didn’t immediately buy it. “Guys, I’m fine! I’m not even thinking about it anymore. I just wanna go out on the town with my bros. It sounds fun!”

Grizz gave him a genuine smile. He seemed to accept his new positive tone. “Okay! Let’s do it!!”

This was exactly what he needed to clear his head!

The bears stacked up and headed out. Panda seemed to be perfectly calm, at least on the outside. That was a personal effort. He’d been overworking himself all day. So, while it was still rattling around in his brain (and heart) he was going to shove it to the back for a little while. 

However, that didn't stop him from glancing around the forest once, just to see if he could spot Charlie. He was in a state where half of him wanted to see him but the other didn't think he could handle him right now. He fixed his gaze back forward, just so his brothers wouldn't ask him what he was looking for.

It was a typical visit into the city. It began with food, which was always a plus. Panda had eaten so fast this morning that his stomach barely registered he'd eaten anything at all. Being all cooped up in his room also meant no snacks. He welcomed the ramen stop. It was delicious and comforting and Panda could definitely use some comfort right now. The dream and his realization had really shaken things up today. It wasn’t hard to fall back into his normal routine. Taking photos, going off on tangents, having regular discussions with his bros. It was almost as if this morning hadn’t happened at all. Panda was glad for the regained normalcy. 

They left the ramen house and went on to do some window shopping and then some actual shopping. They split up at one point, each wanting to go to a different store for their own respective items. Afterwards, they agreed to meet up at one of Panda’s favorite Boba shops.

Panda had already bought a tea and was halfway through when Grizz and Ice Bear walked in. He waved them over and they soon joined him, eager to show everything they bought. Well, Grizz was anyway. Ice Bear was more quiet about his, considering he’d bought a new set of knives and didn’t think it wise to show them off in a public place. They talked and laughed and it had overall been a good day. Panda’s anxiety had certainly left him by this point. 

He was content.

The way back to the cave was smooth and quiet. The weather was nice, though Ice Bear was certain there would be rain later. Panda didn’t care. They had a nice outing and now they could just cozy up at home and do whatever they wanted. The pefect outcome of a day that started so stressful. He wasn’t even worried about the Charlie thing. It would be fine. He was sure of it.

At least, he  **_was_ ** until they got a couple feet from their cave… and then suddenly from the nearby brush there came a rustling that Panda was too serene to even hear. But he definitely heard the shout out.

“Hey, Bears!!”

Charlie.

It was Charlie.

Oh god.

When he heard his voice, Panda immediately jumped, causing the entire bear stack to collapse like bowling pins. Panda placed a hand on his chest and tried to take back the air Charlie’s appearance had just knocked out of him. His brothers, however, seemed less surprised once they recovered from the initial fall.

“Hey, Charlie!” Grizz greeted enthusiastically. “Right on time. We just got back.”

Panda made a face. It sounded like Grizz knew Charlie would be here. He immediately snatched him aside, allowing Charlie to be distracted by Ice Bear while he got to the bottom of this.

“Grizz!” Panda whispered loudly. “What’s Charlie doing here?!” 

Grizz was confused for a second but then it looked like he suddenly remembered something and brightened. “Oh! He came by earlier. But you were having a thing, so I told him to come by again later. It’s not a problem, right?”

W-what?

WHAT?!

Charlie came by EARLIER….when Panda was….AASDFGHJHGFDSLK. Did he come into the cave?! Did he hear anything Panda had said? Panda’s room had a window, which he hadn’t even thought to close when he was doing his entire ‘confession’ practice. Nonononononononono. His face was heating up. No. This was a nightmare. Oh, no. He wanted to scream but Grizz was looking at him and he really didn’t want to explain why he was having a massive freak out.

Panda didn’t even remember that Charlie was coming over today. How was he supposed to interact with him without spontaneously combusting at any given moment? This was going to be bad…

“A problem? Why would it be a problem?! Hahahahhehehaha…” He gave a wide forced smile. He wanted to die. So much for being content.

“Ha, cool! I know how crazy you’ve been about that crush of yours. Tonight’s all about relaxing. Don’t think about it. It’ll be a boys night. Besides, I figured if anyone’d be able to distract you from your crush, it’d be Charlie!” Grizz seemed to believe his plan had been the perfect way to help Panda out.

Oh, Grizz.

No.

Why…

Why couldn’t he have told him, so he could mentally prepare?!

Panda laughed nervously again, not trying to give his position on the matter away. He made a gesture with his arm, “Oh...yeah…! He’s definitely...distracting..” 

Grizz smiled at him.

“But...you know, Grizz...um, it’s not really-- He tried but was interrupted by another shout.

“PANDA!” Charlie had shouted and before Panda knew what was happening, he was taken out by a tackle. Grizz place hands on his sides and shook his head, amused by Charlie’s over the top affection before going over to Ice Bear so they could enter the cave and put their bags away.

Charlie smiled widely at a recovering Panda. “Where are my manners? I didn’t even say hello…”

“Hi, Charlie…” Panda said with temporary fatigue, waiting for Charlie to get up. His greetings were always so intense…

Charlie seemed to sense Panda’s slight discomfort, so he stood and then picked the bear up. He gave him another soft hug. 

Panda liked this one much more for obvious reasons. He enjoyed it because Charlie couldn’t see his face to see how it affected him, so he indulged him and decided to hug him back. Despite how much he fought it sometimes, he really liked Charlie's embraces. He felt safe... Perhaps it was because he knew Charlie would always be there. He instinctively leaned in a little closer, but deep down knew he couldn't do this for much longer. It would rise questions. He never did this. He wished he had. Panda felt  Charlie begin to pull him out of it and he was fine until he realized he was only an inch or two from his face. Panda’s face had a meltdown because it was too close to his dream.He screamed. Just a little bit. He wiggled until he forced Charlie to drop him.

Charlie was still staring at him with that permanent smile. Panda tried to glare but it came out mostly as a grumpy pout. 

It was bad enough he had to be near him for the next couple hours…. but did he have to be cute, too…?

“...Your brothers filled me in on your sitchiation” Charlie told him suddenly.

Panda’s eyes widened and his heart nearly stopped. “Th-they did…?” God. What did they tell him….?

Charlie nodded. “Mhmm!” He made a fist and looked up, determined. “And there’s no way I’m just gonna sit by when my little Pan-Pan’s a big ol’ ball of stress…”

“No, no. Charlie…” Panda waved his paws, “It’s not that bad...They were exaggerating...I’m okay...See?” He gave him a big open mouth smile.

Charlie clasped his hands together. “Oh, he’s so brave…” He sniffed. And then he immediately grabbed for him to drag him inside the cave, “Don’t you worry, Pandarlin’. Charlie’s gonna be here for ya. Even if it takes all night…”

All night….

Panda was going to have to pretend he didn’t have a crush on Charlie all night…

This was going to be a disaster...


End file.
